Queen and King

Happy 2016, everyone! This very first post of 2016 I would like to dedicate it to the very love of my life ; my parents (my Queen and King).

I have just recovered from my (monthly) migraine and this one I had was the worst I ever had. Usually if my head gets into migrain trouble again, I would either drink more water, 100plus or just sleep more. But this time, everything that I did went into nowhere. I have never felt like throwing up, unless this time. Unlike the usual situations I had when migraine, I will put my head in a position where it will feel better again, but it doesn't work this time. Not at all. To be very honest, I was like dying. "Why it feels so paaaaiiiinnnnn? yaAllah help meeee." I teared the whole evening just now.

But then Ibu (my mother) came to my room and gave me her usual capsule she took whenever she got migraine. I slept for 15 minutes, and like a loss of tonnes of burden, all the pain went awaaay. I felt happy eventhough still feeling very weak, but I feel thankful at least I can still get up, pray and feel alive again. I am supposed to rest already now, but I'd really like to write about today. Some self-reflections while I was recovering from the pain just now.

At this young age of mine, Shaytans are so so so bad that they make me easily feel irritated, and the worst part is, feeling irritated to my own parents. Know what, parents are the most undeserving persons to get hurt because of my own stupid irritating emotions. I am sooo learning to control my feelings everytime I am with them to never let my emotions go over my love for them. They might be able to be patience and put up with me, but I feel sooo bad because they DO NOT deserve any pain, disappointment, sadness, everything that does not make they feel okay. Especially when it's something related to their children.

So, this all came up in my mind by reason of little things happened today.

My parents and I were on way back to JB from Cyberjaya. I didn't really feel well since before we started the journey so early in the morning. I didn't get to have breakfast, slept so late last night, I knew earlier migraine is 'on its way' attacking my head again. But nevermind, I told Ibu in the elevator when we were heading to car, "Ibuuuu, I'm hungry, please make something soupy for lunch today, teringin!" Ibu happily responsed to me saying "Okay!" of course. As I didn't feel so well, I didn't want to sit at the passenger seat next to my Dad who's driving, but then I was the one who had to sit there, and I was annoyed and irritated just because I could not feel comfortable as always (bad me, I know :( )

But then, parents being parents, always so so thoughtful. Ayah (my Dad) offered me to go buy breakfast (cos I'm hungry! And haven't had my coffee yet) at our next stop in Seremban (despite my irritating face, I think). And Ibu being Ibu, just right after I got out from car, she took my arm and excitedly said, "Balik ni Ibu buatkan Rah mihun bodo eh hehe (a very simple but so nice mihun actually)." Awhh Ibu so so cute, I felt baddd cos all the way from Cyber to Seremban, I was all annoyed cos I was the one who had to sit at the front passenger seat, annoyed at my mother cos usually she's the one who sits there. But little did I know that all the way from Cyber to Seremban just now she was thinking of what soup should she make for me since I asked from her in the elevator. Then she offered me doughnuts when we were at the Petronas convenience store when she saw Dunkin Donuts booth in it... So excited to buy breakfast for me. She bought me two Milo(s), cos the one I took from house in Cyber had no straw attached... How kind Ibu was.. Always so so caring, even the little things she does that I usually hardly notice and appreciate..

Ayah was also all the way so nice to me, yes, despite my badmood face (I know I wasn't supposed to act that way tskkkk) I thought he would annoy at me but he did not and was okay. He even kissed me goodbye before he left for work when we reached JB already and I was having a nap on bed cos was toooo tireddd. Honestly I thought my parents would get annoyed at me for my badmood face, but they didn't and even do littlest amazing things today, to take care of me, to make me feel better.

When I woke up from my long 2 hours nap right after we reached home in JB, I thought my mother hadn't prepared the 'mihun sup bodo' yet, I felt so bad because I couldn't teman her, went to nap insteaddd (urgghh but that was bcos I felt so sleepy and almost migrained). But then I checked in the kitchen, the 'mihun sup bodo' was deliciously prepared, with eggs, spinach some more, and cut chillies with keychup. All prepared as I wished from her in the elevator this morning!! I know it's really a little thing and a mother's responsibility is to feed her children, but thinking that I'm a grown up already, she still loves and cares for me as if I am still her 7-year-old princess. Not asking me to cook it by myself. Still remember when I was in kindergarten, Standard 1, Ibu taught me maths when I asked her while she's cooking! She then took me up in her arms and showed me her cooking on the stove when I finally knew how to do the maths hehe. That's Ibu, and Ayah of course, all they do for their life is devoting their life to us. :'( YaAllah.. I am so sorry for my bad thoughts just this morning..

It's more that I wanted to tell actually, this is not enough to elaborate everything in a story. But the energy I have nowww... asking me to sleep already...

But what happened today (and everyday actually), I thought, "How could I ever love someone more than I loved my parents before?" "How could I have another love relationship but my love to parents should already more than enough?" They devote everything they have for the sake of their children's happiness. No wonder Allah s.w.t. places His redha after our parents' redha. I never know what true love is until I wish to become the best daughter I could be to my parents so that anything that I pray for them would be granted by Allah s.w.t. especially for their happiness and place in Jannah with Allah s.w.t..

Then I thought again, no wonder I have always resented with failed haraam relationships with men I had before, because love is not put at the right place. When you wish to love your parents more, Allah will grant you more love than is expected for you to give them to your parents.

If it's best written by Allah s.w.t that I am not meant to get married (because my partner might already waiting in Jannah? hehe) in this dunya, I do not mind spending the rest of my life devoting my life, my all to both of my parents. I love them so much, I do not want them to be unhappy, especially if the reason is because of my stupid bad temper. My parents' happiness are my goal, I always always want them to have the best life in dunya and especially, in hereafter. yaAllah, I hope You take care of our parents alwayssss. Please please make them the happiest persons sitting next to You in Jannah. <3